Hilarious Website Review

by Leigh Ann Parker, SF, CA  

So this blog, http://www.dearcoketalk.com/, is maybe the most entertaining thing I've ever read - she's like Chelsea Handler on 'roids. I have a big, fat girl crush on her. Devin, my old roomie showed it to me and guaranteed I'd be smitten. Well, he was right, and so I now pass the torch to y'all.

My favorite section of her blog is Dear Coke Talk's Kill Yourself. Where ppl write in ridiculous questions and she simply tells them to kill themselves every time. It's so f*cking outrageous. Can't handle it. These are just a few of my favorite snip-its, enjoy.

Are you team Edward or team Jacob?
Kill yourself

How many times should one be cheated on before leaving a relationship?
However many times your dignity will allow plus one.

stop answering religious questions. they make me want to punch you in the face.Oh, hey Jesus.

Every time I drink, I want coke. Is there any remedy to this?
Yes. Coke.

Isn’t coke a bit of a waste of time?
Quit looking at your watch, a**hole.

Do you believe truth is subjective?
Shut up and keep licking.

Is it true that I have cold feet because my vagina lets out all the heat?
Yes, and if you tape your vagina shut, your shoes won’t fit anymore.

I have a small penis. What should I do?
Stay in shape and make a lot of money.

What is the difference between “f*cking” and “making love?”
Hallmark.

Women are less than men, deal with it.
You have a tiny penis. Kill yourself.

What do you think of Dr. Phil?
I don’t think of him. Ever.

Should I feel obliged to masturbate?
Only on behalf of your own genitals.

who do you think you are, jesus? 
No. I actually exist.

Should ugly people be allowed to love?
Each other, yes.

Is there anything you’re missing in your life?
Obscene wealth and the ability to drive a stick shift. Other than that, I’ve pretty much got it covered

How do you feel about beauty pageants?

Find the nearest black guy. Ask him how he feels about slave auctions. Whatever he says is my answer to your question.