The Worst National Disaster Ever

By Jackie Hamilton, Austin, Texas

In the wake of the recent earthquake in Haiti, I have been channeling my inner Cher Horowitz (from Clueless, in case you weren’t allowed to watch PG-13 when we were all 11) and trying to help out (party with the Haitians) in every way I can. While I would love more than anything to pick up and fly to Haiti to volunteer myself, unfortunately, I don’t think my landlord will share my sentiment when I am unable to pay rent this month due to my lack of paid work.

So, I have researched the next best thing which is to donate to charities from my office cubicle (sigh). Below is a list of credible aid organizations where any amount donated is most appreciated:

· The American Red Cross are accepting online donations of any amount through their website or they can accept $10 donations, charged to your cellphone bill, by texting HAITI to 90999.

· Doctors Without Borders have set up sites for their Haiti efforts.

· Haitian-born musician Wyclef Jean has harnessed Twitter to gather support for his Yele Haiti Earthquake Fund, which also offers $5 text message donations.

· Save the Children is focusing on children and families and taking truly grass roots actions like sending out motorbike teams to help people in the capital.

So, please consider donating something today because in the words of Cher, “It's like that book I read in the 9th grade that said "'tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people."

You are going to DIE when you read this...

Revenge, Facebook Style:

Brother 1, Sister 0

Article written by: Andre Sanchez
Posted on: December 22, 2009

I’ve been laughing for the past 3 minutes about this. SoJones family, if your sibling gets on your very last nerve and you have some juicy blackmail material on them, what do you do?

The picture below explains everything, but let me tell you what happened in short:

Chris hides beer in his bedroom (we assume he’s underaged). Sister snitches on him. “asian parents are [f*ing] strict” as he explains, and they subsequently ground him for three months.

Infuriated and looking to get back at his sister, Chris subsequently discovers her very graphically detailed notes entitled “My hook up list” which describes her goals and aspirations for getting down with 10 different individuals, some of whom are crossed off aka “mission accomplished”. So what does dear brother do with this scandalous material?

He of course scans and posts it on his Facebook account. Tags hella people on it, including named “targets” who quickly find and comment on.

And now, for my personal highlights of this whole fiasco:

1. Adrian’s response-It’s one thing to hear a rumor of a girl liking you, but to see your admirer’s hook up list, then REJECT her by saying “note to self: do not hook up with Katie”, well that’s a bigtime fail!

2. The deadline- Katie wants to get all the bow-chicka-wow-wow done by April 2010. Who’s in charge of project managing this deadline? Even hoes have ambitions!

3. “If he cuts his hair I’ll give him a blowjob”- Nothing like a quick cut and BLOW dry. Heh.

4. Brother Chris ends the commenting exchange with “I <3>- Katie can’t say anything to that even if she tried. Chris FTW!

Katie, I hope you find peace after being publicly humiliated. Unfortunately, this caper will linger around you like a bad smell through high school and college. It will find you during job interviews and will hang on your leg like the bad guy in a movie as you climb the career ladder. Your future husband will see it and probably your kids too.

A lesson for the rest of us on Facebook: don’t leave evidence of your freaky ways lying around or else lock your room!

What would you do if your brother or sister did this to you?

Let’s hear your comments of revenge and karmic retribution in the comments!